Dispatches from the Island of Doctor Incompeto: New Year’s Resolutions for 2018

It’s not easy being a mad scientist, especially since it was my great-great grandfather who used up most of the family’s madness and ability at science, but here I, Doctor Incompeto, am on the eve of a new year, and still not in the good graces of the International Order of Mad Scientists! The previous year was a difficult one here, with such drastic cutbacks on scientific research, even mad scientific research, so here are my resolutions in a nutshell:

  • I resolve to get the lab organized and my Eldritch Minions from Beyond Space-Time™ better trained to handle their new duties.
  • I resolve to up my science game by taking the most next step in remedial math courses now that I’ve the previous under my belt. There’s nothing more embarrassing than being beaten at games of higher math and non-classical symbolic logic by the monsters in my subbasement.
  • I resolve to make repairs to my secret volcano lair and stock up on supplies to rebuild my World Destruction Machine™ (Patent Pending) that next time won’t turn the Sahara into a rainforest on first activation! I’ll never live that down after that first attempt! Grrr!
  • I resolve to complete the intermediate stages of learning of the Big Three languages of India: Hindi, Bengali, and Tamil. It helps hugely in negotiating cargo shipments to the island, especially parts for lab equipment, and in interviewing and hiring local professionals.
  • I resolve to further cement exercise and health-related habits, as I get out of the lab more to keep in shape at my age.
  • I resolve to destroy my nemesis, Captain Oblivious, with a new and cunningly diabolical plan that simply cannot fail! MuaHaHaHaHaHa! *Ahem*
  • I resolve to work on my people skills, as it’s better for mad science communication to the public, and getting along with colleagues, and while I may be a doc, there’s little point in being a d**k!
  • I resolve to improve my writing and publish lest I perish, at least two more books by year’s end. After all, what else is one to do with a doctorate in rubber science?

Finally:

  • I resolve to repair the dimensional portal I’ve built into the caldera of my volcano lair. It just doesn’t work quite as it should after Captain Oblivious stuffed it with exotic matter, keeping it propped open and constantly shifting to the wrong regions of space-time . . .

Sigh . . . .

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